Green
by CursedKitetsu
Summary: Zosan. The story follows Sanji as he tries to deal with his sexuality and his feelings towards a certain green haired man.
1. Prelude

A huge thanks to sa-mu-uu and corazson (on tumblr) who betaed this chapter for me!

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 **Before meeting the Strawhats - Sanji's sexuality**

When he got to his teens, Sanji had long since settled into the chaotic life of the Baratie. Many glancing at the surface would find the environment rather stressful, but to Sanji it was the opposite - nothing would relax him more than entering the kitchen and hearing the loud cursing of the former crooks they have for chefs. After a long day of work, they would always gather to eat, bicker, curse (as usual), as well as to share their past adventures. Sanji especially loved the stories, he would listen closely for any mention of All Blue; it never happened, but he never lost hope nonetheless. By the time he'd hit puberty, however, the stories changed from fighting monsters at the Grand Line to the many lovers they supposedly had. Zeff did his best to rip the life out of whoever shared anything pornographic until Sanji got into his double digits, but there's a limit to how one man can control a bunch of uneducated ex-pirates. That's how Sanji found out about how marvellous women were, not that he didn't find them amazing before – they were certainly different from all those gorillas he lived with; more delicate, gracious, pleasant... But now he had discovered some extra things; about a woman's body, about love, about lust, and it all sounded amazing, and he really wanted it too; so after a few talks and some weird posters he got as birthday presents, he was longing for some new types of adventures. Of course, he wouldn't be like those brutes - Sanji was a gentleman, so he developed new tactics of swooning that he had classified as "smooth".

He was 14 when one of his pick-up-lines had an unexpected outcome: it worked. He wasn't exactly ready. Actually, he wasn't ready at all. He grew to find the process of swooning and then being rejected a normal part of his life, so when he got a positive response he didn't really know what to do. It was probably one of the most awkward moments of his life. The girl was probably a couple years older than him, their hair had the same shade of gold. He still can't remember the colour of her eyes, for he couldn't manage to look at them for too long before becoming red as a tomato. It was the first time since he could remember that he lost his words and stuttered. It was also his first kiss, a kiss that left his lips tasting like cherry the whole evening, and he could still taste it in his memory. For two more years, his hands would still feel as trembling and wet as they did at the time, just by thinking of his first kiss – mostly because he'd felt like an idiot. During these two years he was quite certain that he definitely liked girls – mostly kissing girls, and girls' bodies too. And the only reason the memory of his first kiss stopped bothering him was because, at the age of 16, something way greater started to trouble his mind – he had his first sexual experience. With a man.

OK, it wasn't exactly sexual, but it was sexual enough alright. It wasn't with a customer, as his usual flings were. No… to make it worse, it was with one of their new waiters. Sanji never knew a lot about the guy, he never really bothered asking him questions. Instead, he would unconsciously make deductions; when he realized it, he actually enjoyed his detective work, turning it into a new hobby that used to make him feel "smart". When he first saw him, all that came to his mind was "he is tall"… Well, "he's handsome" was definitely a thing too. He used to smile a lot, "cheeky". He had darker skin so "maybe he is from a summer island". He looked older, probably in his early 20s. Huh, green eyes… "Nope, what am I thinking?".

He definitely didn't like the guy; there was something about him that really made him irked. The name was Indra. Zeff really liked the boy, he used to say "the little shit has ambition in his eyes", and that he knew he wasn't going to stay that long. He was sharp, fast, witty and dreadfully handsome (goddammit). Until Indra's last week working at the Baratie, they never really interacted; nothing more than a few awkward moments caught staring at each other. Sanji had deduced, by the other man's many scowls, that Indra was annoyed by his presence.

Only three weeks had gone since his arrival and the weird dreams started - cold kisses on hot skin, the contrast of their bodies, the sweat making the friction stronger… Dammit, he couldn't sleep. Just the sight of the guy made Sanji feel the heat of his skin as he had felt in his dreams. That's why, during the half a year Indra spent with the crew, Sanji would avoid him with all his will. It was around that time that Sanji's smoking habits worsened. He'd spend the last hours of the nights watching the ashes floating and then sinking in the dark sea until he wouldn't think about absolutely anything; that was for the best. Zeff interpreted the teenage zombie behaviour as the spawn of crazy hormones, and once or twice tried to talk with the boy, only to end up leaving, cursing the bratty eggplant that he raised way too well.

It was during one of those insomniac nights that the two boys first talked; it was also the first time Sanji considered something he'd rather not know existed. That night the moon was just a scratch on the sky; but the stars were so plenty and bright that one would barely notice that all the lights were off. Between the movement of the ashes on the waves, and the smell of the salted water, Sanji didn't perceive the young man that settled by his side; not until Indra's voice startled him to a point that he was pretty sure his heart moved at least 2cm away from the place it had been before. "Can't sleep?"

It took a few seconds to process the sentence and a few more to stop his body from shaking; at least enough to be able to answer without stuttering too much. What came out of his mouth was more of a whisper, but Sanji was proud enough that it was a complete word. "Yes".

"We never really talk much, right, Sanji? I think we should. I'm the closest to your age here on this ship. We should become friends". At this point, Sanji wished with all his will that the sky wasn't so bright, that the stars disappeared, that he couldn't see Indra's smile. He wished with all his misplaced heart that those green eyes weren't so bright, and that nothing about Indra would make him shake that way. Why was he like this? He'd had girlfriends before, and he knew for a fact that he was attracted to them, but never even once had he felt those freaking butterflies dancing in his stomach.

For the first time in his 16 years of existence, Sanji had fallen in love. Upon this realization, all he could do was scream; if only his voice would stop breaking. "Why? What do you want? Stop… please…"

At first, Indra's eyes were surprised, then confused, hurt and, finally, slick. He then got closer and, with a smirk cutting through his face, he asked "Heh… Sanji… Is it possible that you have a crush on me?" Sanji would run, if he could - he couldn't. He also couldn't speak. He was stuck in an awoken sleep paralysis. "Sanji, it's ok. I kinda fancy you too."

Indra tried to come closer; that's when Sanji finally awoke, and muttered a nervous "no" that sounded more like a "please" than anything else. Indra obliged, he stopped. But not without saying, "Look, it's ok. Is it your first time like this? You're young. Don't worry. But I'm here. Not for long, though. So if you want to try something, I promise I won't tell or judge. Let's see… In two days I'll be here, exactly here. Come even if you just want to talk or ask anything, ok? You better try to sleep now. Good night, Sanji".

And that's how Sanji was left with the most excruciating question that he's ever had to answer. "Should I?" He certainly wanted to. But at the same time, he didn't think it was right. He wasn't gay, was he? Oh, god, he was gay. He was super gay. Fuck. For two days he tried his best to forget it all, mostly because he knew that if given a chance to answer he'd say 'yes'. When the time came he couldn't avoid it and, as if he could fool himself, he decided to go, but just to ask a few questions. That night he drank half a bottle of Zeff's best wine; he'd never drunk so much before. Good. When he met Indra it was dark; perfect because he couldn't see his eyes this time. Sanji was sure to have a drunken talk, go to bed, and finally sleep.

He doesn't quite remember how he got there; but as if he'd just blinked and teleported to another place, they were together in a small cabinet, and Indra's kisses were leaving cold spots all over Sanji's burning skin. He wasn't sure where his hands should go, he didn't even know if his voice was really coming out of his mouth – he couldn't hear anything. Before he could even notice, Indra started to descend; the kisses that once started on his neck were now going down his stomach. Sanji wanted desperately to reciprocate, he wanted to kiss him too, he wanted to hold him and he wanted to look at an Indra as breathless as he were. A bit later Sanji went blind for a few seconds. He slid with his back on the wall until he fell on Indra's arms. He couldn't look up but the other man's hands fondled his face, and making Sanji look into his eyes he whispered "Are you ok? Did you like it?" All he could do was nod, and hug him as tight as humanly possible - as if they could merge, as if he could keep that moment there forever.

A few days after they met on the cabinet, Indra left the Baratie, just as Zeff had predicted. It was another first to Sanji – his first broken heart. After that, Sanji had to settle with the idea that he indeed liked girls, but he liked boys too. He just couldn't process it quite right. Nobody, besides Indra, talked to him about this. All he knew was that when men like men they are gay. And from what he'd heard, it wasn't a good thing. The cooks would often call each other gay when they did something wrong or funny, so Sanji decided to bring this part of him to his grave and only show the other half. He did the best he could to make it clear that he absolutely positively liked girls, and only girls. One thing really bothered him though – he never even once felt connected with any of them. He was certainly attracted, but it was almost as if girls were a pleasurable game, whilst with boys he'd often feel more engaged; but only when drunk, obviously. That was the excuse he kept for himself – he was drunk after all.

Years had passed and Sanji grew up used to the life he led, embracing one side of him with all his might, hoping that it'd compensate somehow for the abandonment of his other half. When he was 19, his worries weren't about his sexuality any more; they were about the stillness of his life. After all these years listening to the many adventures of the cooks and waiters that had come and go, he never had an adventure of his own. He had dreams, of course, but he had a debt too, with Zeff. Sometimes it would also occur to him that it was more than a debt – he was scared not to be able to show Zeff how much he appreciated everything he'd done for him.

But, one day, he ended up having to deal with all his fears at once. A weird kid with the broadest smile he'd even seen appeared and broke all of Sanji's organized chaos; and this kid wasn't alone. That was the day Sanji met for the first time the origin of all his upcoming fears and all his upcoming doubts. The owner of all the questions he'd have to answer and, as he later found out, of all the answers he'd ever need. Green again huh…

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Notes: I started this one based on my headcanons for Zoro and Sanji. This fic is going to be Sanji-centric, expect lots of angst because it's mostly a one-sided fic (I'll probably give you a happy ending later, but... later). As you can tell, I hope, it's about a bisexual character trying to deal with his sexuality, I'm not bi myself so I hope I'm doing this right; I'd love some insight on this. English is not my first language so please tell me about any errors, I'm already writing the next chapter but it will take a while because I'll have to revise it a lot, because of the language thing, and because I'm also writing my college thesis. Hope you enjoy it, please tell me your opinions and expectations, I'm a newbie on this, I'll need all the help.


	2. First Impressions

**CHAPTER ONE – First Impressions (Baratie and Arlong Park)**

It was just another normal day, or so he thought. Wake up early, shower, check his clothes, fix the hair – a chef must represent his kitchen: clean, elegant and efficient. Sanji definitely looked all of these things. Perfect! Ready for another day of work. The only strange thing was, Zeff wasn't up yet; he usually rises with the sun. One thought that always stressed Sanji was that Zeff was getting old. He felt like a child in times like this. He was scared of things changing; but he was also scared of nothing changing at all. He wanted Zeff to be eternal, to keep fighting him, to keep learning with him, to be always there; but he also wanted to live an adventure, to fall madly in love, to see new places, to find the All Blue. Well, there was another reason to stay safe in the Baratie, but that's a story for another day.

The day had barely begun and he had to deal with an annoying jerk; he also found out that some crazy kid broke Zeff's roof, they were out of waiters and stupid Patty had done stupid things again. Kick the jerk, kick the kid, serve the food, do what's right… Note to self: kick Patty after shift. Nothing he couldn't manage. That's about when he met the crazy kid's friends - a scrawny boy with the longest nose he'd ever seen, a beautiful red-hair that looked like she could outsmart him any day and, finally, a grumpy looking dude with the shabbiest clothes and the most ridiculous hair colour of all time. He went for the girl, obviously, but something kept bugging him… three. Three swords, three earrings, demon like eyes…

More confusion, angry pirates, angry cooks, angry Zeff - there goes the food. He hears his voice for the first time, the green haired man's – that voice. The voice of a storm. Deep, frightening – although firm, unwavering. He talks about his dream as something irrefutable, as if there's no other option than to achieve it. Such a disregard for his own life – Sanji doesn't know why he got so furious, but he did. Maybe it was because he settled on the safety of a home, dreaming became something you do asleep. That guy, the green haired man, he's wide awake – rather than just dreams, he has goals; crazy goals, but in his mind, feasible goals; is that how to be a man? A few moments later he got the answer for that. 'Yes'.

He saw, right in front of him, someone who didn't shake before death; because if death had a name, in that moment, it would be Mihawk. He swung his sword with such ease, it reminded Sanji of the stories the cooks told him about ghosts that haunted the sea taking souls with a scythe; maybe legends are born for people like him. That was also the moment he learned the green haired man's name: Roronoa Zoro. He is the pirate hunter, the demon of the East Blue. He didn't look like a demon; all about him, his posture, gesture, his voice – it all sounded like a mischievous god fooling them all, rebelling against his peers by playing around with humans. But he was all too human. He saw it. He bleed. The demon bleed red, and yet Sanji was the one who got angry. It would be so easy to give up. He would, and that's why he was so angry. He was angry because that man made him hate himself, made him see what he wanted to ignore – he was scared.

The green haired demon left, weak but alive, defeated but honoured – the green haired demon left acknowledged by death itself. Sanji wondered when it would be his time to leave. The answer came quicker than he thought. That very next day, Sanji left.

The skinny kid with the big smile had become his captain. Sanji is officially a pirate now. His heart was aching, trying to leave his body, there was cold in his stomach, he wanted so much to cry. He was worried he would never be able to repay Zeff, but in a matter of seconds he realised that staying locked up in that restaurant wouldn't do any good. The best way to honour Zeff, his saviour, his mentor, his father, was to carry his will with him and achieve their dream, Zeff's and Sanji's, in his name. Zeff will be on Sanji's every thought, his every move. He will come back eventually, but only to take him and the Baratie to the All Blue. Sanji left that day. He left grateful and proud. With the feeling he was onto something big.

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He met the green haired man for the second time when he ran him over with a boat. They weren't strangers in a restaurant any more – they were crewmates. What was it about his face that enraged Sanji at every look? Maybe it was regarding how small Sanji felt in his presence despite being almost the same height, or because they were the same age and yet so distant in every aspect. Sanji couldn't understand anything about him. His motivations, his behaviours. So far in his life the chefs back in Baratie and some of the wandering waiters were all the reference he had– all others in his life were ghosts. The girls he flirted with, the loud clients who filled him with compliments, the boys he looked at - the people he never knew anything about were just like phantasms of a life he never lived. Zoro made Sanji lost – he had no floor. He wasn't courteous, or loud, nor cool or heated; Sanji didn't have balance in front of him. How can a man have such disregard for a lady? How dare he show it so clearly? Who is this swordsman that stands without a single doubt in his life?

The first minutes they had together were a fight, the minutes after that they fought together. Sanji has a lot of first times with Zoro. During this specific fight, it was the first time he saw Zoro worrying. He didn't know he could feel that, but he knew already that Zoro was human. His captain, their captain was now drowning under the sea. But there was another thing to worry about too – the swordsman, all too human, was shaking; it wasn't fear, it was pain. All this turmoil and Sanji had forgotten about that fight with Mihawk – Zoro was cut in half. Yet he fought, and so did Sanji. That day Sanji realized Zoro was no demon, nor a mischievous god – Zoro was someone he could give his soul on a bottle and know it would remain unscathed through a storm. That day Sanji made his first sacrifice for the crew, because if that man would bleed for them, then so will Sanji. This was their first victory as a crew.

Sanji tried his best to understand his crewmate, at first. He used his wounds as an excuse, even to himself, to watch over the swordsman. He was always there, observing, but Zoro was as unyielding as a mountain. Not a word. He just grumpily mumbled around the ship. That's when Sanji realised the only way to get some acknowledgement was to re-enact their first meeting – fighting.

Howbeit, there were some moments of peace. In these moments there was just silence. Zoro liked to watch the sea and Sanji liked to sit by his side, with the excuse it was the best spot for smoking. Those were the moments that Sanji got to learn a little more about the swordsman. Nothing too complex, since they wouldn't talk, but little things. Like how he would touch his white sword when distracted with the stars, or how although he seemed distracted, he never really is. Zoro's smell – of blood, or is it steel? And that even though he always looked angry, he truly enjoys the noise around him. That he likes to lie by the sun like a fat cat, and that notwithstanding he took naps all day, he was probably the one who slept the least on the crew – at night he was always awaken. Oh, and his facial expressions only changed for Luffy.

To the Grand Line.

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 **NOTES:**

Yay, I wrote another! So, again, please tell me if you spot any errors. These first chapters were basically a narration of Sanji's feelings, it will mostly be like that, but not always. I'm trying to follow close to canon, but there will some non-canon passages (of course, it's a fic!) and you'll see more dialogues then. It's just the beginning after all, Sanji and Zoro didn't interact much back then. I'm actually rereading the manga as I write because of this fic, that's why it takes some more time to write than the other one (besides being more complex in general). Well, I have some really important stuff to do for college, so I think this week I won't update, at least not until next weekend. If I do, that means I'm procrastinating so please tell me off.


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